Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I got a ticket..damn!!
I got a ticket driving on a ONE-WAY STREET!..damn...for as long as I can remember, I've been driving on the same street everyday..just a small portion of a street leading to the Expressway.. It used to be a two-way street, but thanks ( or no thanks) to a newly constructed street, they decided to make this one way..
I've been aware of the signs ( NO ENTRY) posted at the beginning of the street but nobody seems to care about that anyway. I am not the only one using that short way out...I used to think the No Entry signs is in effect only during School Days (this is a common practice here) because there's a lot of schools around the area..
But luck is not on my side today..tsk tsk..I was happily driving down the street to the tune of BREATHLESS and lo and behold..as I turn the corner, there it was, a police mobile parked right there, waiting for unsuspecting and clueless drivers like me..I can only shake my head...phew!
Now I have to wait for a week or 10 days to go to the Traffic Dept and pay my penalties, which I just learned, was now raised to a whooping KD 250..Thats around 40 thousand pesos Ladies and Gentlemen...waaaaaaaaaah..............#%%^(^(&()*)(
I've been aware of the signs ( NO ENTRY) posted at the beginning of the street but nobody seems to care about that anyway. I am not the only one using that short way out...I used to think the No Entry signs is in effect only during School Days (this is a common practice here) because there's a lot of schools around the area..
But luck is not on my side today..tsk tsk..I was happily driving down the street to the tune of BREATHLESS and lo and behold..as I turn the corner, there it was, a police mobile parked right there, waiting for unsuspecting and clueless drivers like me..I can only shake my head...phew!
Now I have to wait for a week or 10 days to go to the Traffic Dept and pay my penalties, which I just learned, was now raised to a whooping KD 250..Thats around 40 thousand pesos Ladies and Gentlemen...waaaaaaaaaah..............#%%^(^(&()*)(
Thursday, August 14, 2008
FrancisM diagnosed with leukemia
rom abs-cbnnews.com
Francis M. needs blood donations
Master rapper Francis Magalona needs blood donations after reports surfaced that he has been diagnosed with blood cancer or leukemia.
A reliable abs-cbnNEWS.com source said Pupil Band's manager and Magalona's friend Day Cabuhat said that the rapper and his family are asking for blood donations that would replace the blood that the famed rapper have consumed in the hospital.
Cabuhat reportedly said any type of blood will do. For those who want to help and share their blood they may go to directly to Medical City in Ortigas Avenue.
Magalona's friend reportedly refused to give other information on the real health condition of the rapper to protect Magolona's family especially his young children.
Magalona is set to give his formal statement Thursday afternoon, August 14 on daily noontime variety show "Eat Bulaga."
The rapper who is now 43 years old is the son of the 50's celebrity couple Pancho Magalona and Tita Duran.
Magalona's career boomed with his hit rap "Mga Kababayan" which was included in his album "Yo!"
He's also the voice behind the hits "Ito ang Gusto Ko," "Meron Akong Ano," "Mga Praning" and the endless "Kaleidoscope World."
Francis who is married to Pia Arroyo has eight children -- Unna, Nicolo, Francis Jr., Isabella, Elmo, Arkin, Clara and actress Maxene Magalona.
Currently, Magalona is a regular host of "Eat Bulaga."
14 Simple Ways to Convert Your Sedentary Lifestyle
(Written by ispf, dumblittleman.com)
We all know we need to exercise more – our lifestyles are way too sedentary compared to that of the previous generations. It's not all our fault. The days of the 9 to 5 job are long over and despite huge advances in technology, our lives seem to be a lot busier compared than that of previous generations.
Even when I have been motivated to get a gym membership and start exercising, it only lasts for a few months. At the first sign of stress and deadlines at work, the gym routine gets kicked off the list. So here are a few tricks to include some activity in daily habits to take it from a sedentary lifestyle to a mildly active one.
* Park far away: Instinctively, almost all of us look for a spot as close to our destination as possible. Instead get into the habit of parking a block away, or parking at the farthest parking spot. If you are grocery shopping, park in the store's lot but choose the back row. Clearly you wouldn't want to be caught pushing a shopping cart down the street trying to get to your car.
* Take the stairs instead of elevators: If it is one or two floors, always take the stairs. If you need to go up/down several floors then take the stairs to two floors above/below and then take the elevator. As you get used to it, increase the number of floors you use the stairs for. If you park in a level parking lot, always park in one of the higher levels and walk down.
* If possible, walk or bike to work: This is not possible for everyone, but if you live in a place where the pollution is less and your workplace is relatively close by, then choose to walk or bike instead of driving.
* Skip the stop: If your city has a subway or bus system, skip your stop and get off at the one after (or before) and then walk from there. You'll get to enjoy the air and neighborhood a little while increasing your heart rate.
* Maximize the benefits from your grocery trip: When you go to the grocery store, make it a habit to walk the entire store. Go through every aisle and every nook and corner. Avoid the aisles that could tempt you to pick up junk food though, since that can completely obliterate any benefits of walking a few extra steps! NOTE: if you have a spending problem don't do this.
* Take a short walk-break at work: Again this one depends on your work location, but ours is located outside the city and is on large private grounds. Every afternoon a couple of us go for a short walk (~1 mile round trip) which takes roughly 15-20 minutes. It is very invigorating and a nice break from the afternoon routine.
* Do your own yard work: This is a good one for summer time when the lawn starts to grow and you need to keep it trimmed. Instead of hiring someone to do it for you, do it yourself. You will not only get some exercise, but save some money too!
* Play with your kids: Kids these days seem to play more video games than outdoor games like we did when we were younger. So take your kids out to the park and throw the ball around, play tag, etc.
* Put on your favorite music and dance: This is not only exercise, but also a great way to unwind at the end of a busy day. And a good trip down the memory lane for those of us who have not done it in a long time!
* While watching TV, pace or stretch: Instead of switching channels during the ad break get up and walk about the house. Do some lunges or some simple stretching exercises. If you have stairs in your house, walk up and down the stairs a few times, during each ad break for at least one show every day.
* Choose to walk down instead of call or email: When you have a question for a colleague, instead of picking up the phone or shooting an email, walk over to their cube. This will not only provide some exercise but a short break for a quick recharge.
* Walk while you talk on the phone: If your job involves talking on the phone a lot, then instead of doing this sitting at your desk, get into the habit of pacing while you talk. Motion creates emotion so you may even become a better speaker by doing this.
* Choose active entertainment over passive entertainment: Instead of going for a movie, choose to go play tennis with some friends (or at least bowling). Instead of playing regular video games, play with a Wii. Instead of meeting friends for a cup of coffee, catch up over a sunset walk.
* Choose active vacations: While planning vacations, pick something that involves some walking and hiking. While taking in a new city, do it by walk, instead of driving around. If golfing, skip the cart. If staying at a resort, make use of their pool and the exercise facility. Try skiing and white water rafting
We all know we need to exercise more – our lifestyles are way too sedentary compared to that of the previous generations. It's not all our fault. The days of the 9 to 5 job are long over and despite huge advances in technology, our lives seem to be a lot busier compared than that of previous generations.
Even when I have been motivated to get a gym membership and start exercising, it only lasts for a few months. At the first sign of stress and deadlines at work, the gym routine gets kicked off the list. So here are a few tricks to include some activity in daily habits to take it from a sedentary lifestyle to a mildly active one.
* Park far away: Instinctively, almost all of us look for a spot as close to our destination as possible. Instead get into the habit of parking a block away, or parking at the farthest parking spot. If you are grocery shopping, park in the store's lot but choose the back row. Clearly you wouldn't want to be caught pushing a shopping cart down the street trying to get to your car.
* Take the stairs instead of elevators: If it is one or two floors, always take the stairs. If you need to go up/down several floors then take the stairs to two floors above/below and then take the elevator. As you get used to it, increase the number of floors you use the stairs for. If you park in a level parking lot, always park in one of the higher levels and walk down.
* If possible, walk or bike to work: This is not possible for everyone, but if you live in a place where the pollution is less and your workplace is relatively close by, then choose to walk or bike instead of driving.
* Skip the stop: If your city has a subway or bus system, skip your stop and get off at the one after (or before) and then walk from there. You'll get to enjoy the air and neighborhood a little while increasing your heart rate.
* Maximize the benefits from your grocery trip: When you go to the grocery store, make it a habit to walk the entire store. Go through every aisle and every nook and corner. Avoid the aisles that could tempt you to pick up junk food though, since that can completely obliterate any benefits of walking a few extra steps! NOTE: if you have a spending problem don't do this.
* Take a short walk-break at work: Again this one depends on your work location, but ours is located outside the city and is on large private grounds. Every afternoon a couple of us go for a short walk (~1 mile round trip) which takes roughly 15-20 minutes. It is very invigorating and a nice break from the afternoon routine.
* Do your own yard work: This is a good one for summer time when the lawn starts to grow and you need to keep it trimmed. Instead of hiring someone to do it for you, do it yourself. You will not only get some exercise, but save some money too!
* Play with your kids: Kids these days seem to play more video games than outdoor games like we did when we were younger. So take your kids out to the park and throw the ball around, play tag, etc.
* Put on your favorite music and dance: This is not only exercise, but also a great way to unwind at the end of a busy day. And a good trip down the memory lane for those of us who have not done it in a long time!
* While watching TV, pace or stretch: Instead of switching channels during the ad break get up and walk about the house. Do some lunges or some simple stretching exercises. If you have stairs in your house, walk up and down the stairs a few times, during each ad break for at least one show every day.
* Choose to walk down instead of call or email: When you have a question for a colleague, instead of picking up the phone or shooting an email, walk over to their cube. This will not only provide some exercise but a short break for a quick recharge.
* Walk while you talk on the phone: If your job involves talking on the phone a lot, then instead of doing this sitting at your desk, get into the habit of pacing while you talk. Motion creates emotion so you may even become a better speaker by doing this.
* Choose active entertainment over passive entertainment: Instead of going for a movie, choose to go play tennis with some friends (or at least bowling). Instead of playing regular video games, play with a Wii. Instead of meeting friends for a cup of coffee, catch up over a sunset walk.
* Choose active vacations: While planning vacations, pick something that involves some walking and hiking. While taking in a new city, do it by walk, instead of driving around. If golfing, skip the cart. If staying at a resort, make use of their pool and the exercise facility. Try skiing and white water rafting
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sari-saring Patawa
1. YnaKi - An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: "Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?" Contestant: "Ahmm. .. ..Huling Hapunan?"
2. Idlepsych - It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: "Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff!"
3. Myckle Mouse - In Wowowee, the question was: "Kung ang 'sigaw' ay 'shout' sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang 'whisper'?" The contestant answered: "Napkin!"
4. Dongster - While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: "Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh!"
5. No name - My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: "Imagine mo kung di ginawa 'tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?"
6. Ker - My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: "Miss, puwedeng take out?"
7. Loipogi - Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: "Please watch 'The Life Story of Julie Vega', opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November."
8. Frederique - In a burger joint I heard a man say: "Miss, isa ngang 'amusing' aloha at saka 'kidney' meal." Server: "Dine in po ba or to go?" The man answered: "Ayoko ng sago!"
9. No name - I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: "Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet." And she replied: "Ano po, solo o litro?" (coke is it)
10. Marissa - My friend said: "Ang galing 'no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!"
11. Jasmin - A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: "Ma'am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, 'Hesus and Company.'"
12. No name - While watching "Apollo 13", after she heard the line: " Houston , we have a problem." My ex-girlfriend asked: "Sino si Houston ?"
13. Dukeman - My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: "Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng 'autistic' guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?"
14. No name - We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: "Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?" Her lola replied: "Patron? Eh di Shell!"
15. Ardiepot - Also in a gameshow. Host: "Ano sa Tagalog ang 'teeth'?" Contestant: "Utong!"
16. Missy Ricat - I once heard an emcee say: "Let's give her a warm of applause!"
17. Epoy - One classmate in highschool said, "Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!" I corrected him and said, "luminous!" Then he replied, "Oo nga pala, plural!"
18. No name - Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!" Pasahero: "Boss, Cubao?"
19. Jen - Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: "Anong 'P' ang Tagalog ng 'storey' o 'floor' ng building?" Contestan: "PIP PLOR!" HAHA! Mam mila ikaw ba yan!?!
20. No name - An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: "Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko 'wala akong kasama'"
21. Rome - I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: "It's a 4-digit number." He answered, "Uhm 'ROCKY'?"
22. Slowbyslow - I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: "One cup of chino please."
23. Eve - An officemate once asked: "Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?"
24. Asht - I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: "Uy, stripes din! It's the color of the day!"
25. Ruby - My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: "Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!" I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, "Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!"
26. No name - When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, "Hey, I got a missed call!" My friend said, "Anong sabi?"
27. Jonalou22 - From the gameshow "The Weakest Link". Host Edu Manzano asked: "Anong 'T' ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?" Ian Veneracion answered: "TUKLI!"
28. Joeygirl - We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, "Hala, brownout!" Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
29. Eliteblood - A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: "Ma'am, I already changed your monthly period."
30. Draco's Biatch - A home economics teacher asked us: "How do you make wet floor and tow duff?" Translation: "How do you make wheat flour and tough dough".
32. Loi Pogi - Melanie Marquez: "Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend na buhay pa."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silven - Husband: "Luv promise, simula ngayon iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko." Wife: "Wow, thank you luv! Ako naman I promise, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama!"
Joel Paul - "Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the one who dislikes you won't believe it, & the one who doesn't care about you won't care what you say."
Krisvan - "Nanonood ako ng mga ants na naglalakad sa wall. Kahit busy sila, they still stop and communicate. Sana tayo ring mga tao, we could be more like the ants - naglalakad sa walls!"
No name - Dumating yung ngongo sa bahay nila at tinakpan niya ang mata ng misis nya. Ngongo: "Nges oo?" Wife: "Buwisit 'to, 'nges oo, nges oo' ka pa diyan, eh ikaw lang naman ang ngongo dito!"
Josie/Tata - "Dear GOD, please don't lead me into temptation…I already know the way"
ms_mo - A playboy died. During the mass: Priest: "He's an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!" Wife: (whispered to her son) "Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol."
SPY SHADOW - 4 job applicants were asked: "What is the fastest thing in the world?" The German said, "Thought". The American said, "A blink of an eye". The Aussie said, "Light". The Pinoy said, "Diarrhea!" Pinoy: "Lit mi eksplin. Dis murning, I hab istumak ek, I run to di tuylet but bipor I kud tink, blenk, or eben swits on di lyt, tangna, der was syet en my pants olridi, su past!"
No name - 1) "Aanhin mo ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa 'yo?" 2) "Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare." 3) "Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon." 4) "Matalino man ang bading, napeperahan pa rin." 5) "Ang di marun0ng magmahal sa sariling wika, sa callcenter naglipana."
bi-b0n - "Virginity is neither a sign of purity nor dignity. It's a sign of a lack of opportunity."
Gela - BATA: "Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat nalang ng gawin ko mali! Di nyo na ako mahal!" AMA: "Nagkakamali ka anak…" BATA: "Syet, mali nanaman ako!"
No name - Woman with sick baby went to the clinic. Doctor: "Is he bottlefed?" Woman: "Breastfed po, doc." (Doctor starts squeezing the woman's nipples) Doctor: "That's why he's sick, you're not producing milk." Woman : "Yaya lang ako, doc! YAYA!"
Linsauke - Celebrity quote: "Noodle! Noodle! NOODLE!!!" - Manny Pacquiao on "Deal or No Deal".
No name - DOC: "Hubad na iha, wag kang matakot. I will not take advantage of you, general check-up lang 'to." GIRL: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty ko?" DOC: "Diyan lang sa tabi ng brief ko…"
Yñaki - News Flash: "Snow White, thrown out of Disneyland! She pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinocchio's face and shouted, 'Lie, you bastard, lie!'"
Errol/Alle - If asked, "Kumusta sexlife?" Ang tamang sagot, "Eto, self-supporting."
Xtian Aguilera - "Sana radyo ka nalang, para pag naririnig kitang kumanta, puwede kitang patayin."
Loi Pogi - From a gay admirer: "Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs, and the cucumber in between."
Jedi Master: "Beauty is only superfical. It's the character that makes a pers0n who they really are" - motto yan ng mga PANGET!
Roben - In a coffee shop, an attractive lady was having a drink. A guy walked up to her & said: "Bond…James Bond." She looked up & answered: "Lost…Get Lost."
SPY SHADOW - "Whenever you are stressed and about to give up, remember: 'stressed' is just 'desserts' spelled backwards - so it's just a piece of cake!"
Ian024 - TITSER: "Who can give an example of a tag question?" PUPIL: "My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?" TITSER: "Very good! Itagalog mo nga!" PUPIL: "Si ma'am ay maganda, hindi naman diba?"
ALLE - "Ang boses mo, parang ibon. Ang sarap tiradurin!"
Enihs - "Math tells us 3 of the saddest love stories. Tangent lines who had 1 chance to meet and then parted forever. Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. And asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together."
Bh0w - Pinaka common mistake ng isang girl during a job interview ay ang pagsagot ng… "KAHIT ANUNG POSISYON PO SIR, BASTA MAKAPASOK LANG."
Dreamweaver - MMDA (w/ pen & ticket) to traffic violator: "Name?" Foreign Driver: "Wilhelm von Corgrinski Papakovitz." MMDA: Ah…sige…next time don't overspeeding again, ha?"
Bebang - "Tandaan mo anak ang batang sinungaling ay di na tatangkad, uusli ang ipin, liliit ang binti at tutubuan ng nunal sa mukha." - Diosdado Macapagal
Mabaysay - "Wouldn't it be cool and make more sense if the life cycle was all backwards? You should die 1st and get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get a silver watch and you go to work. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do booze, sex, you party, then you get ready for high school. You go to grade school. You become a kid, you play, you have no worries. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating. And you finish off as an orgasm."
Loipogi - "Rooster and cat goes over a bridge. Cat slips and falls in the river. Rooster can't stop laughing. The moral of the story: wherever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock."
2. Idlepsych - It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: "Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff!"
3. Myckle Mouse - In Wowowee, the question was: "Kung ang 'sigaw' ay 'shout' sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang 'whisper'?" The contestant answered: "Napkin!"
4. Dongster - While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: "Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh!"
5. No name - My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new bldg. She said out of nowhere: "Imagine mo kung di ginawa 'tong bldg, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?"
6. Ker - My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: "Miss, puwedeng take out?"
7. Loipogi - Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: "Please watch 'The Life Story of Julie Vega', opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November."
8. Frederique - In a burger joint I heard a man say: "Miss, isa ngang 'amusing' aloha at saka 'kidney' meal." Server: "Dine in po ba or to go?" The man answered: "Ayoko ng sago!"
9. No name - I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: "Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet." And she replied: "Ano po, solo o litro?" (coke is it)
10. Marissa - My friend said: "Ang galing 'no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!"
11. Jasmin - A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: "Ma'am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, 'Hesus and Company.'"
12. No name - While watching "Apollo 13", after she heard the line: " Houston , we have a problem." My ex-girlfriend asked: "Sino si Houston ?"
13. Dukeman - My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: "Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng 'autistic' guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?"
14. No name - We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: "Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?" Her lola replied: "Patron? Eh di Shell!"
15. Ardiepot - Also in a gameshow. Host: "Ano sa Tagalog ang 'teeth'?" Contestant: "Utong!"
16. Missy Ricat - I once heard an emcee say: "Let's give her a warm of applause!"
17. Epoy - One classmate in highschool said, "Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!" I corrected him and said, "luminous!" Then he replied, "Oo nga pala, plural!"
18. No name - Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!" Pasahero: "Boss, Cubao?"
19. Jen - Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: "Anong 'P' ang Tagalog ng 'storey' o 'floor' ng building?" Contestan: "PIP PLOR!" HAHA! Mam mila ikaw ba yan!?!
20. No name - An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: "Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko 'wala akong kasama'"
21. Rome - I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: "It's a 4-digit number." He answered, "Uhm 'ROCKY'?"
22. Slowbyslow - I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: "One cup of chino please."
23. Eve - An officemate once asked: "Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?"
24. Asht - I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: "Uy, stripes din! It's the color of the day!"
25. Ruby - My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: "Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!" I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, "Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!"
26. No name - When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, "Hey, I got a missed call!" My friend said, "Anong sabi?"
27. Jonalou22 - From the gameshow "The Weakest Link". Host Edu Manzano asked: "Anong 'T' ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?" Ian Veneracion answered: "TUKLI!"
28. Joeygirl - We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, "Hala, brownout!" Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
29. Eliteblood - A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: "Ma'am, I already changed your monthly period."
30. Draco's Biatch - A home economics teacher asked us: "How do you make wet floor and tow duff?" Translation: "How do you make wheat flour and tough dough".
32. Loi Pogi - Melanie Marquez: "Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend na buhay pa."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Silven - Husband: "Luv promise, simula ngayon iiwan ko na ang mga kabit ko." Wife: "Wow, thank you luv! Ako naman I promise, ang next nating anak, ikaw na ama!"
Joel Paul - "Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn't need it, and the one who dislikes you won't believe it, & the one who doesn't care about you won't care what you say."
Krisvan - "Nanonood ako ng mga ants na naglalakad sa wall. Kahit busy sila, they still stop and communicate. Sana tayo ring mga tao, we could be more like the ants - naglalakad sa walls!"
No name - Dumating yung ngongo sa bahay nila at tinakpan niya ang mata ng misis nya. Ngongo: "Nges oo?" Wife: "Buwisit 'to, 'nges oo, nges oo' ka pa diyan, eh ikaw lang naman ang ngongo dito!"
Josie/Tata - "Dear GOD, please don't lead me into temptation…I already know the way"
ms_mo - A playboy died. During the mass: Priest: "He's an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!" Wife: (whispered to her son) "Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol."
SPY SHADOW - 4 job applicants were asked: "What is the fastest thing in the world?" The German said, "Thought". The American said, "A blink of an eye". The Aussie said, "Light". The Pinoy said, "Diarrhea!" Pinoy: "Lit mi eksplin. Dis murning, I hab istumak ek, I run to di tuylet but bipor I kud tink, blenk, or eben swits on di lyt, tangna, der was syet en my pants olridi, su past!"
No name - 1) "Aanhin mo ang gwapo, kung mas malandi pa sa 'yo?" 2) "Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare." 3) "Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang magiging karelasyon." 4) "Matalino man ang bading, napeperahan pa rin." 5) "Ang di marun0ng magmahal sa sariling wika, sa callcenter naglipana."
bi-b0n - "Virginity is neither a sign of purity nor dignity. It's a sign of a lack of opportunity."
Gela - BATA: "Wala akong kwentang anak para sa inyo! Lahat nalang ng gawin ko mali! Di nyo na ako mahal!" AMA: "Nagkakamali ka anak…" BATA: "Syet, mali nanaman ako!"
No name - Woman with sick baby went to the clinic. Doctor: "Is he bottlefed?" Woman: "Breastfed po, doc." (Doctor starts squeezing the woman's nipples) Doctor: "That's why he's sick, you're not producing milk." Woman : "Yaya lang ako, doc! YAYA!"
Linsauke - Celebrity quote: "Noodle! Noodle! NOODLE!!!" - Manny Pacquiao on "Deal or No Deal".
No name - DOC: "Hubad na iha, wag kang matakot. I will not take advantage of you, general check-up lang 'to." GIRL: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty ko?" DOC: "Diyan lang sa tabi ng brief ko…"
Yñaki - News Flash: "Snow White, thrown out of Disneyland! She pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinocchio's face and shouted, 'Lie, you bastard, lie!'"
Errol/Alle - If asked, "Kumusta sexlife?" Ang tamang sagot, "Eto, self-supporting."
Xtian Aguilera - "Sana radyo ka nalang, para pag naririnig kitang kumanta, puwede kitang patayin."
Loi Pogi - From a gay admirer: "Roses are red, pickles are green, I like your legs, and the cucumber in between."
Jedi Master: "Beauty is only superfical. It's the character that makes a pers0n who they really are" - motto yan ng mga PANGET!
Roben - In a coffee shop, an attractive lady was having a drink. A guy walked up to her & said: "Bond…James Bond." She looked up & answered: "Lost…Get Lost."
SPY SHADOW - "Whenever you are stressed and about to give up, remember: 'stressed' is just 'desserts' spelled backwards - so it's just a piece of cake!"
Ian024 - TITSER: "Who can give an example of a tag question?" PUPIL: "My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?" TITSER: "Very good! Itagalog mo nga!" PUPIL: "Si ma'am ay maganda, hindi naman diba?"
ALLE - "Ang boses mo, parang ibon. Ang sarap tiradurin!"
Enihs - "Math tells us 3 of the saddest love stories. Tangent lines who had 1 chance to meet and then parted forever. Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. And asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together."
Bh0w - Pinaka common mistake ng isang girl during a job interview ay ang pagsagot ng… "KAHIT ANUNG POSISYON PO SIR, BASTA MAKAPASOK LANG."
Dreamweaver - MMDA (w/ pen & ticket) to traffic violator: "Name?" Foreign Driver: "Wilhelm von Corgrinski Papakovitz." MMDA: Ah…sige…next time don't overspeeding again, ha?"
Bebang - "Tandaan mo anak ang batang sinungaling ay di na tatangkad, uusli ang ipin, liliit ang binti at tutubuan ng nunal sa mukha." - Diosdado Macapagal
Mabaysay - "Wouldn't it be cool and make more sense if the life cycle was all backwards? You should die 1st and get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get a silver watch and you go to work. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do booze, sex, you party, then you get ready for high school. You go to grade school. You become a kid, you play, you have no worries. You become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating. And you finish off as an orgasm."
Loipogi - "Rooster and cat goes over a bridge. Cat slips and falls in the river. Rooster can't stop laughing. The moral of the story: wherever there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock."
10 Facts about Marriage
Fact 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Fact 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
Fact 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Fact 4.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Fact 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Fact 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Fact 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Fact 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Fact 9.
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why some wives treat the husband like toxic waste.
Fact 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Fact 2.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
Fact 3.
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Fact 4.
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
Fact 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Fact 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Fact 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Fact 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Fact 9.
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry. That is why some wives treat the husband like toxic waste.
Fact 10.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
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